I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize