No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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