Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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