my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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