put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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