Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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