we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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