I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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