I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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