glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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