why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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