we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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