this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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