i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize