I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rumble strips road head = magical
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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