Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want to have your abortion
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
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I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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