I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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