the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just found puke in my bra..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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