we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize