i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize