Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
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