Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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