four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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