He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize