You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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