Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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