I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize