Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize