There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize