it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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