Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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