i think my tv is drunk
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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