you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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