Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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