a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry about my life...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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