I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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