Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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