He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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