So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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