First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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