well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize