dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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