It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
me + whiskey = a bad person
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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