And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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