you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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