The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
high people should be assigned attendants
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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