By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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