My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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