I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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