we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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